Saturday, July 16, 2011

A sign...

Be careful of what you ask for, as you may just get it.

I wrote this after last Saturday night... more like 4am Sunday Morning...
And so from the drunken chronicles
I asked for a sign...

What happens if you meet your soul mate and yet again he is married? You talk to him for over two hours, you pour your drunken soul to him and he convinces you to delete Past’s number so that you can’t text it in the next two weeks. He convinces you that you are who you are and when the one meets you he will want nothing more than who you are. To continue to follow myself even if I am over powering and strong. How did he know his wife was the one, I ask: she just was… that’s it. Nothing more. She was herself and that was what made her the one. I deleted Past’s number and I am thankful because the temptation is gone. I will not have to prove to myself every minute for the next two weeks that I am strong, I will just be, because his number is no longer available to me. He is no longer lurking in the background, a breath away, instead he is where he belongs…. In the damn past!

The married soul mate, looked at me and said how does a girl like you not have a man?.... has to look for a man online?... and a girl like you can have any man in this room. I replied as I looked into his eyes, that in fact the man I do want in this room, I cannot have. I said , if I start wanting a man he suddenly no longer wants me. He looked at me and said that’s the wrong attitude. I believe it thought. I know that a girl like me can have any man, the thing is usually the ones this girl wants, she cannot have, like this soul mate that is happily married for over 5 years. So yes, I will move on and I will be who I am because that’s who I am. I am a strong over powering woman, if I want something I don’t have the patience to wait for it, I go after it. If you are the man that is meant to be with me, you will want me flaws and all. I should stop trying to change, I should stop being afraid what you may think, because I come on too strong. After all, if you can’t handle the woman I am, you and I will never make it.
So to this perfect woman out there that holds the key to this soul mate’s heart, koodos to you woman! You are the luckiest woman in the world and I sure hope you realize what you have coming home to you. Because he is not only beautiful on the outside but incredible on the inside and he is yours, mind body and soul. He loves you for who you are and he will love you forever. You are lucky, you are perfect and you have in your hands the most incredible thing in the world: a man who is fully devoted to you and only you. Cheers to you incredible woman, I envy you and I hope you are forever the centre of his attention.

As for me, I will be who I am and always will be. I can try to change but at the end of the day, I am me. I am a strong woman who goes after what she wants; be it a thing or a man. And if you can’t handle it, that join the ever growing number of men who have made their way out the door. I will find you perfect soul mate who will want me and only me, flaws and scars and ever carefully glued back together heart! Until that day I will continue to search for you, as you are for me.

For the past few months, I have been wondering and searching of what I should be and finally I know exactly what I should be, more as in who I should be: ME. Follow my instincts and just be who I am.

God, thank you for sending me a sign tonight.


  1. Amen sister! Glad you got the sign you needed and were looking for :)

  2. Yes, I feel 10x lighter and comfortable in my own skin.