Saturday, August 27, 2011

The Relationship Debrief

One of my good friends has taken to analyzing my dating life much like an MBA student would dissect a case.

His conclusion: "You have a damn good product, but your sales pitch needs work"

After he heard about my latest venture into 'relationship' land his words were "Don't be yourself" ie. flow down the river and let it take you where it might and stop trying to hang on to any low hanging branch in order to attempt to slow down the process. Make sense? It did in my head.

After I told him that I am once again 'a package of 1' he simply said "We need to debrief".

To be honest I think this time my sales pitch actually worked as my +1 status lasted almost a whole month!

This was an interesting experiment of sorts, I feel like I came out of this with a GIANT lesson learned.

Until now, I thought that I have finally found the peace I was looking for in myself and I was ready to enter relationship land. I was ready for the commitment, for the warmth and the ever constant presence of a man in my daily life again.

Be careful what you wish for! It was as if something out there said: Really? You are ready? Here you go....

This man was ready for me to be 'the one' from even before he met me. He was everything a girl normal girl would like: mushy, communicative, attentive, flattering and most importantly ready to put a label on it.

I was reaching out my damn short arms to any branch out there as I felt like I was swept into the rapids.

I also saw a flash of perhaps this man being the one and 2.5 years we will be married and a year later little 6'4 version of myself will be born. This scared me. It scared me because I saw my plans of an MBA, exchange to Europe, travel to Nepal and solo sky diving stunts be snatched away from my future. The version of myself that was alive 3 years ago, couldn't have been happier to share in this perfect happy family. The version I have evolved in after 3 years of being single is: athletic, adventurous, mature, opinionated and most importantly living life.
Those 6 years I spent being the perfect girlfriend were happy but I knew something was missing. I was missing.

After a long conversation with one of my best girls she made a very important point: I am now at a stage where I am starting to see my priorities change, but I dip my toes in the water to find it too cold and quickly snatch them away.

I am not ready to answer to someone for every move I make. I am not ready to constantly think of myself as +1. Most importantly I am not ready and will never be ready to settle for something that will force me to give up who I am.

I am ready to find 'the person' and slowly get to know him. To slowly ease him into my life and ease myself into his. At the same time keeping myself intact and not letting either one of us become 'the relationship'. I am ready to build goals and dreams with him, while ensuring that both of our individual goals and dreams are achieved. I am ready for the perfect partner and the white picket fence that has a giant easy to open door that lets life come and go.

Am I going to look at every man I meet and ask myself 'are you him'? NO. I am not on the hunt for an 'MRS'.
If you are mr right now that would work too. No pressure, no expectations.

What ever will be will be, one step at a time.

One date at a time, one week at a time.]

In conclusion:
Am I glad this happened: YES.
Am I glad this is over: to be honest yes.
Am I over it: but of course!

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