A little too much...

I have always said and believed that my ambition will be the end of me.
Case and point: signing up to run 1/2 marathon after only running for 3 weeks. Why did I not listed and do something sensible like sign up for a 5K run or even 10K. That's what a normal beginner should do, even 10K would be pushing it. No! I had to go for the 21.1K.

I was doing really well until about 2.5 weeks ago. I was running every other day at my own pace, adding about 1K a week to my runs. I was running all long runs with 7:1 intervals.

I decided to follow the tried, tested and true Running Room Schedule and ever since then I have been struggling as I jumped to 10:1 intervals.

Today I tried to run my tempo speed and did about 1.6K in one interval and after that my stomach turned to rock and I wanted to cry in pain. I tried to run again but my legs refused. I ran total 2.5K out of the 4K, and walked the rest as I was already 2K away from home.

I kept thinking, what am I doing this for? Why the fudge am I dedicating so much time and energy to this? What do I have to prove and most importantly to whom?

Well me. Nothing ever is good enough, nothing ever is achieved, there is always something bigger, better, shinier out there, that I have to go for and get.

Right now I am ready to give up and just hide.
But here is the thing, in order to ensure that I don't back out of things when my true laziness takes over, I employ a little strategy... I tell everyone what I am planning on achieving. This way I can't back down. I cannot be the girl that gives up, this will be complete shame for me and so I build in this little back up plan in everything I do.

And thus, as much as I don't want to and as much as I just want to hide, tomorrow I start again. Tomorrow rain or shine (rain =treadmill run)I will do the 4K scheduled. But I am not going to follow their schedule fully. I am going to go back to 7:1 intervals at my own speed. I am going to cancel my 14K group run with friends in 2 weeks as I will not be able to keep up with them, I will do the run by myself.

I will do this, on my own terms. I am also going to think twice before throwing myself into the deep end again.