Ladies and gents!
This little blog has been gathering steam for the last few months and after a lot of consideration I decided that it deserves its very own domain name!
SingleToThePenny.com
Saturday, August 27, 2011
The Relationship Debrief
One of my good friends has taken to analyzing my dating life much like an MBA student would dissect a case.
His conclusion: "You have a damn good product, but your sales pitch needs work"
After he heard about my latest venture into 'relationship' land his words were "Don't be yourself" ie. flow down the river and let it take you where it might and stop trying to hang on to any low hanging branch in order to attempt to slow down the process. Make sense? It did in my head.
After I told him that I am once again 'a package of 1' he simply said "We need to debrief".
To be honest I think this time my sales pitch actually worked as my +1 status lasted almost a whole month!
This was an interesting experiment of sorts, I feel like I came out of this with a GIANT lesson learned.
Until now, I thought that I have finally found the peace I was looking for in myself and I was ready to enter relationship land. I was ready for the commitment, for the warmth and the ever constant presence of a man in my daily life again.
Be careful what you wish for! It was as if something out there said: Really? You are ready? Here you go....
This man was ready for me to be 'the one' from even before he met me. He was everythinga girl normal girl would like: mushy, communicative, attentive, flattering and most importantly ready to put a label on it.
I was reaching out my damn short arms to any branch out there as I felt like I was swept into the rapids.
I also saw a flash of perhaps this man being the one and 2.5 years we will be married and a year later little 6'4 version of myself will be born. This scared me. It scared me because I saw my plans of an MBA, exchange to Europe, travel to Nepal and solo sky diving stunts be snatched away from my future. The version of myself that was alive 3 years ago, couldn't have been happier to share in this perfect happy family. The version I have evolved in after 3 years of being single is: athletic, adventurous, mature, opinionated and most importantly living life.
Those 6 years I spent being the perfect girlfriend were happy but I knew something was missing. I was missing.
After a long conversation with one of my best girls she made a very important point: I am now at a stage where I am starting to see my priorities change, but I dip my toes in the water to find it too cold and quickly snatch them away.
I am not ready to answer to someone for every move I make. I am not ready to constantly think of myself as +1. Most importantly I am not ready and will never be ready to settle for something that will force me to give up who I am.
I am ready to find 'the person' and slowly get to know him. To slowly ease him into my life and ease myself into his. At the same time keeping myself intact and not letting either one of us become 'the relationship'. I am ready to build goals and dreams with him, while ensuring that both of our individual goals and dreams are achieved. I am ready for the perfect partner and the white picket fence that has a giant easy to open door that lets life come and go.
Am I going to look at every man I meet and ask myself 'are you him'? NO. I am not on the hunt for an 'MRS'.
If you are mr right now that would work too. No pressure, no expectations.
What ever will be will be, one step at a time.
One date at a time, one week at a time.]
In conclusion:
Am I glad this happened: YES.
Am I glad this is over: to be honest yes.
Am I over it: but of course!
His conclusion: "You have a damn good product, but your sales pitch needs work"
After he heard about my latest venture into 'relationship' land his words were "Don't be yourself" ie. flow down the river and let it take you where it might and stop trying to hang on to any low hanging branch in order to attempt to slow down the process. Make sense? It did in my head.
After I told him that I am once again 'a package of 1' he simply said "We need to debrief".
To be honest I think this time my sales pitch actually worked as my +1 status lasted almost a whole month!
This was an interesting experiment of sorts, I feel like I came out of this with a GIANT lesson learned.
Until now, I thought that I have finally found the peace I was looking for in myself and I was ready to enter relationship land. I was ready for the commitment, for the warmth and the ever constant presence of a man in my daily life again.
Be careful what you wish for! It was as if something out there said: Really? You are ready? Here you go....
This man was ready for me to be 'the one' from even before he met me. He was everything
I was reaching out my damn short arms to any branch out there as I felt like I was swept into the rapids.
I also saw a flash of perhaps this man being the one and 2.5 years we will be married and a year later little 6'4 version of myself will be born. This scared me. It scared me because I saw my plans of an MBA, exchange to Europe, travel to Nepal and solo sky diving stunts be snatched away from my future. The version of myself that was alive 3 years ago, couldn't have been happier to share in this perfect happy family. The version I have evolved in after 3 years of being single is: athletic, adventurous, mature, opinionated and most importantly living life.
Those 6 years I spent being the perfect girlfriend were happy but I knew something was missing. I was missing.
After a long conversation with one of my best girls she made a very important point: I am now at a stage where I am starting to see my priorities change, but I dip my toes in the water to find it too cold and quickly snatch them away.
I am not ready to answer to someone for every move I make. I am not ready to constantly think of myself as +1. Most importantly I am not ready and will never be ready to settle for something that will force me to give up who I am.
I am ready to find 'the person' and slowly get to know him. To slowly ease him into my life and ease myself into his. At the same time keeping myself intact and not letting either one of us become 'the relationship'. I am ready to build goals and dreams with him, while ensuring that both of our individual goals and dreams are achieved. I am ready for the perfect partner and the white picket fence that has a giant easy to open door that lets life come and go.
Am I going to look at every man I meet and ask myself 'are you him'? NO. I am not on the hunt for an 'MRS'.
If you are mr right now that would work too. No pressure, no expectations.
What ever will be will be, one step at a time.
One date at a time, one week at a time.]
In conclusion:
Am I glad this happened: YES.
Am I glad this is over: to be honest yes.
Am I over it: but of course!
Friday, August 26, 2011
Weekly Spending Summary Fri Aug 19 - Thurs Aug 26
Fri Aug 19
$30 Parking and Drink Downtown
$5 Starbucks
$14 Supper Hot dress! on major Sale!
$40 Lulu lemon sports
$56 Dress
$15 Grocery
Total $160
Sat Aug 20
No Spend Day!
Sun Aug 21
$50 Gas
$67 Grocery
Total $117
Mon Aug 22
No Spend day!
Tues Aug 23
$10 Laundry card refill
Wed Aug 24
$9 Five Guys Burger Lunch! Yum-o
$5 Starbucks
Total $14
Thurs Aug 25
$14 Running Room - gels for my 16K run on Sun
$5 Starbucks
Total $19
Weekly Total $320
Again over my $200/wk budget. Yes I did do a bit of shopping, which was in a way therapy as there will be no more +1 trips or dinners. I needed a new sports bra and lulu lemon has the best ones offering full support. I highly recommend them, but only buy them on sale!
I also messed up my budget, because Aug was a triple pay month and I used the money to pay down my debt but I forgot that my car payment is ALSO bi-weekly and didn't leave $ in my account for it...so I should include a $40 NSF fee to my weekly spending. *head down in shame*. This was a pure miss on my part.
Weekly Total $360
Shame shame shame.
$30 Parking and Drink Downtown
$5 Starbucks
$14 Supper Hot dress! on major Sale!
$40 Lulu lemon sports
$56 Dress
$15 Grocery
Total $160
Sat Aug 20
No Spend Day!
Sun Aug 21
$50 Gas
$67 Grocery
Total $117
Mon Aug 22
No Spend day!
Tues Aug 23
$10 Laundry card refill
Wed Aug 24
$9 Five Guys Burger Lunch! Yum-o
$5 Starbucks
Total $14
Thurs Aug 25
$14 Running Room - gels for my 16K run on Sun
$5 Starbucks
Total $19
Weekly Total $320
Again over my $200/wk budget. Yes I did do a bit of shopping, which was in a way therapy as there will be no more +1 trips or dinners. I needed a new sports bra and lulu lemon has the best ones offering full support. I highly recommend them, but only buy them on sale!
I also messed up my budget, because Aug was a triple pay month and I used the money to pay down my debt but I forgot that my car payment is ALSO bi-weekly and didn't leave $ in my account for it...so I should include a $40 NSF fee to my weekly spending. *head down in shame*. This was a pure miss on my part.
Weekly Total $360
Shame shame shame.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Online Dating Pick Up Lines....
I ventured onto a Plenty of Fish today and decided to share with you the first few messages I received.
I usually take my pics down when I am not online and pretty much go on there when I need a little laugh.
Under the message are my initial reactions before I hit block.
Subject: hey!!
Hi there how are u?
- Got to be a tiny bit more original than this!
Subject: Hello!!!
Don't worrry silly, we'll do it even before going on a date...
- Not sure why I am worried silly about something…
Subject: do you like milk with ice?
hey there
- Bye there
Subject: are you the one?? :))
hey whats up its emran how are you? :)) how goes your week so far, doing anything exciting this week??..well i do happen to notice your profile and it is interesting so i thought of dropping by, do you think i stand a chance to know us well at all??..this is all for now and i am definitely looking forward to hear from you..have a blast and byee for now
- Hell no, I am not the one.
Subject: hello
Hello
How are you? Did you have a good weekend?
Dennis :-)
- Hello you message me every time I am online with the same line.
Subject: Hi
Ok, straight up!..You really caught my attention..:) I thought this POF page was a silly idea. However one of my co-workers, found a real cool "lady friend"(lack of better words) off it and suggested I try it..lol
So normally, this is not my style. I don't get message happy.. I just had to say something, when I came across your profile.
So I guess...hmmm...Hi my name is Michael, or Mikey..which everone you like better..;)
Very nice to make your acquaintance..:)
- I would reply but you are looking at the camera like a deer in headlights and I love taking pics, if you are going to look like that in all of our pics this is just not going to work out.
Subject: Hi
he how's it going, wanted to get to know you better, drop me a line if your free...
- Ok really, how hard is to spell ‘hey’?
Subject: im BURSTING with fruit flavour
im shawn. i JUST turned 33. i own a small security/investigations
company in downtown toronto. I like to go out to karaoke, but i dont sing. i like
coffeeshops, people watching and generally being out and active. im looking for my
best friend.... lover, confidante.... all in one.
maybe we can get to know eachother?? feel free to read my profile.
im sure, if given the chance... you may be surprised.
cheers
shawn
-hmmm it’s not fruit flavour you are bursting with….
Subject: Hi
Hello there! How are you doing today? I have read your profile and am curious to know more about you! Care to chat?
M
-Dude, in one pic you have a monkey on your shoulder and in the other you are half way up a palm tree… I think I learned all that there is about you right there!
I usually take my pics down when I am not online and pretty much go on there when I need a little laugh.
Under the message are my initial reactions before I hit block.
Subject: hey!!
Hi there how are u?
- Got to be a tiny bit more original than this!
Subject: Hello!!!
Don't worrry silly, we'll do it even before going on a date...
- Not sure why I am worried silly about something…
Subject: do you like milk with ice?
hey there
- Bye there
Subject: are you the one?? :))
hey whats up its emran how are you? :)) how goes your week so far, doing anything exciting this week??..well i do happen to notice your profile and it is interesting so i thought of dropping by, do you think i stand a chance to know us well at all??..this is all for now and i am definitely looking forward to hear from you..have a blast and byee for now
- Hell no, I am not the one.
Subject: hello
Hello
How are you? Did you have a good weekend?
Dennis :-)
- Hello you message me every time I am online with the same line.
Subject: Hi
Ok, straight up!..You really caught my attention..:) I thought this POF page was a silly idea. However one of my co-workers, found a real cool "lady friend"(lack of better words) off it and suggested I try it..lol
So normally, this is not my style. I don't get message happy.. I just had to say something, when I came across your profile.
So I guess...hmmm...Hi my name is Michael, or Mikey..which everone you like better..;)
Very nice to make your acquaintance..:)
- I would reply but you are looking at the camera like a deer in headlights and I love taking pics, if you are going to look like that in all of our pics this is just not going to work out.
Subject: Hi
he how's it going, wanted to get to know you better, drop me a line if your free...
- Ok really, how hard is to spell ‘hey’?
Subject: im BURSTING with fruit flavour
im shawn. i JUST turned 33. i own a small security/investigations
company in downtown toronto. I like to go out to karaoke, but i dont sing. i like
coffeeshops, people watching and generally being out and active. im looking for my
best friend.... lover, confidante.... all in one.
maybe we can get to know eachother?? feel free to read my profile.
im sure, if given the chance... you may be surprised.
cheers
shawn
-hmmm it’s not fruit flavour you are bursting with….
Subject: Hi
Hello there! How are you doing today? I have read your profile and am curious to know more about you! Care to chat?
M
-Dude, in one pic you have a monkey on your shoulder and in the other you are half way up a palm tree… I think I learned all that there is about you right there!
Friday, August 19, 2011
Weekly Spending Summary Fri Aug 12 - Thurs Aug 18
Fri Aug 12
$10 Gas
$5 Breakfast
$33 Drug Store
Total: $48
Sat Aug 13
$165 Hotel for 2 nights in Ottawa (less $100 budgeted for phone bill =$65)
$15 R&W Pants
$20 Ottawa souvenirs
$12 Starbucks
$10 Grocery store
$35 Dinner
$45 New Dress
Total: $302 or $202
Sun Aug 14
$45 Gas
Mon Aug 15
$50 Cirque Du Soleil ticket for Totem on Sept 8
Tues Aug 16
$41 Grocery
Wed Aug 17
$36 Dinner
Thurs Aug 18
$10 Dinner
Weekly Total: $532 or $432 if you take out the phone over 'accrual'
Originally I was not supposed to have the hotel expense for Ottawa, but since I was traveling +1 we had to get a room for the weekend. That pretty much blew my budget. Luckily my phone bill came $100 below what I expected and this off set the cost a bit.
$10 Gas
$5 Breakfast
$33 Drug Store
Total: $48
Sat Aug 13
$165 Hotel for 2 nights in Ottawa (less $100 budgeted for phone bill =$65)
$15 R&W Pants
$20 Ottawa souvenirs
$12 Starbucks
$10 Grocery store
$35 Dinner
$45 New Dress
Total: $302 or $202
Sun Aug 14
$45 Gas
Mon Aug 15
$50 Cirque Du Soleil ticket for Totem on Sept 8
Tues Aug 16
$41 Grocery
Wed Aug 17
$36 Dinner
Thurs Aug 18
$10 Dinner
Weekly Total: $532 or $432 if you take out the phone over 'accrual'
Originally I was not supposed to have the hotel expense for Ottawa, but since I was traveling +1 we had to get a room for the weekend. That pretty much blew my budget. Luckily my phone bill came $100 below what I expected and this off set the cost a bit.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Weekly Spending Summary Fri Aug 5 - Thurs Aug 11
Fri Aug 5
NYC!
Sat Aug 6
NYC!
Sun Aug 7
NYC!
Mon Aug 8
$93 Grocery
$23 Movie tickets for 2 ;)
Total $116
Tues Aug 9
Money Free day
Wed Aug 10
$12 Dinner
Thurs Aug 11
$20 CIBC Run for the Cure Donation
$11.50 The Help
$1.50 McDonalds Iced Coffee - didn't like it at all
$65 Spa
$10 Wine
Total $108
Weekly Total $236
Wowza! It doesn't take much to rack up a total that surpasses my budget yet again :(
NYC!
Sat Aug 6
NYC!
Sun Aug 7
NYC!
Mon Aug 8
$93 Grocery
$23 Movie tickets for 2 ;)
Total $116
Tues Aug 9
Money Free day
Wed Aug 10
$12 Dinner
Thurs Aug 11
$20 CIBC Run for the Cure Donation
$11.50 The Help
$1.50 McDonalds Iced Coffee - didn't like it at all
$65 Spa
$10 Wine
Total $108
Weekly Total $236
Wowza! It doesn't take much to rack up a total that surpasses my budget yet again :(
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Weekly Money Check-Up 16/8/11
Photo Credit
1. The most I’ve spent this last week was on a visit to the spa. My indulgence and vanity.
2. Today I am thankful that my sister's one month post opp was a success.
3. Money can’t buy happiness. One free thing I did last week that made me happy was take a long walk with my new man friend.
4. I will consider this week a success if I I follow my running schedule and run 30K.
5. If I had today off I will dream up a way to have every day off.
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